Hello world!
My new business venture is well on its way to starting. In a partnership with James Beattie we supply environmentaly friendly products and that to the world... Well Surrey Heath at the moment but everyone has to start somewhere!
Check it out - www.thereallygreencompany.com
Let me know what you think, or if you can think of any improvement let us know!
Peace out x
Saturday, 22 August 2009
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
Michael Jackson's Death - What a thriller! (excuse the poor pun. If you can think of a better one let me know!)
Poor old Mikey. He wasn't that old. I fucking loved him. His music, his dress sense, his antics, even his peter-pan-overdosing-on-heroin face had a certain charisma about it.
This blog is aimed to look back into his past and appreciate all the great stuff he did in his life.
(Of course with an underlying theme of controverisal, poor taste, kiddy-fiddler based humour.)
Firstly however, let me point out how striking the Jackson 5 emotionally carrying Mike to his final pew is. It is truley tear Jerking. These fine brothers, sung together, lived together, loved each other, with all their hearts for all their lives carrying, one of their own to his final pew.
I did notice however, that it was a very similar scene, to the equally emotional final climax to the popular blockbuster film "Cool Runnings" in which Jamacia create a bobsleigh team - but fall short of the finish line meteres before the end and as a sign of good will and respect - carry it over the line with pride.
This blog is aimed to look back into his past and appreciate all the great stuff he did in his life.
(Of course with an underlying theme of controverisal, poor taste, kiddy-fiddler based humour.)
Firstly however, let me point out how striking the Jackson 5 emotionally carrying Mike to his final pew is. It is truley tear Jerking. These fine brothers, sung together, lived together, loved each other, with all their hearts for all their lives carrying, one of their own to his final pew.
I did notice however, that it was a very similar scene, to the equally emotional final climax to the popular blockbuster film "Cool Runnings" in which Jamacia create a bobsleigh team - but fall short of the finish line meteres before the end and as a sign of good will and respect - carry it over the line with pride.
Regardless, I am very happy that he was remembered for all the good things he done in life - charity, great music, and inspiration to millions.
But this got me thinking. Just because he has written some good tunes and can moonwalk with the best of them does this really change peoples attitudes of him as being "a bit rapey"?
Well I must find out!
Im not saying he is a pedo, and im not saying he tickled any little kids balls. But he certainly has a "rapey" aura surrounding him.
Only one person truley knows the truth - and that is Macauley Culkin - the child actor from homealone whom MJ was genuinely very close with at the time. He never testified what actually happened because he was too young. But I have found an artists impression of what Mr Culkin most likely thinks every night when he is tucked up in bed...
I wonder if he does that face during sex?
Unfortunately there are already alot of poor taste jokes going around, and I feel it my duty to prepare you for the sheer vulgarity of some of these. These are some of my favouri.... I mean most terrible ones.
"MJ didnt die of a heart attack, he died having a "stroke" in the childrens ward."
"What does MJ have after dinner? Under Eights"
"They raided his house and found all sorts of stuff. Class A and B drugs. They also found class 4L in his basement"
"He didnt die of a heart attack. He died of the cancerous "Billy Gene."
Unfortunately I'm going to have to cut this blog short because my mum bless her is piping up for the second time today about me not doing anything with my life. She wants me to go and run some errands. I might add to it later :)
Adios!
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Swine Flu... should we be worried?
This weeks topic of discussion, the dreaded swine flu.
So the media are predictably shitting themselves, the government are scared, and most of the people I know are a little touchy... but should we be worried?
A friend of mine found this excellent little site letting you know if you have swine flu or not, it's well worth a look before reading on, its only a page long and really hits home the message im trying to put across in the first sentence.
Go to this link I insist.
www.haveigotswineflu.co.uk
Now I have set the comic under-tone for the rest of this blog we can continue...
So heres my opinion on the dreaded piggy flu.
Its a bit of a joke. It's been blown out of proportion horribly! Bird-flu? What happened to that? It dissappeared from the public eye around about the time the first Black president was elected, or when Cheryl Cole and her footy hubby had a little row.
The point i'm trying to make out is that these diseases only worry people when the media focus on them because there's not much else going on. They love a good outbreak of a virus so they've got something to fill their otherwise boring papers with, but the second Britney Spears has a haircut the world is once again (albeit briefly) healthy! It's a bit silly.
So was the bird flu though. They burnt all those poor chickens because they had the sniffles. Are they going to burn all of the pigs? Is this the end of bacon? Why don't we burn Lady GaGa next time she has a cold...
Joking aside - scientists have already nearly finshed a vaccination so we honestly have nothing to worry about ANYWAY. But whilst we wait for the cure there is already a soothing drink available to help with the effects of this scary disease.
What a wonderful Oinkment (I apologise for the poor pun)
Some people in mexico however are getting understandably worried and have been advised to wearing masks out to prevent the bacon bugs getting in. The japanese as always, in perfect character, are at the front of this new-wave fashion;
If people freeze and panic like a dear in headlights everytime a bug is going around what is the world going to be like when (God-forbid) an ACTUAL fatal virus breaks out. That thought is genuinely terrifying.
If only there were some sort of realistic virtual environmentin which we could prepare ourselves for such a deadly virus. I for one would be much happier.
I hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, shotgun the grenades.
Anyway - lets get down the pub I could murder some pork scratchings and a pint.
(A joke I couldn't seem to "flawlessly edit" into this "masterpiece" of a blog)
I rung up the swine emergency helpline the other day... All i got was crackling.
And poor old Burger King are going to have to give the new burger range a re-think. The Texican whopper. Mexico and Texas. To major outbreak hotspots haha.
Smell ya later x
So the media are predictably shitting themselves, the government are scared, and most of the people I know are a little touchy... but should we be worried?
A friend of mine found this excellent little site letting you know if you have swine flu or not, it's well worth a look before reading on, its only a page long and really hits home the message im trying to put across in the first sentence.
Go to this link I insist.
www.haveigotswineflu.co.uk
Now I have set the comic under-tone for the rest of this blog we can continue...
So heres my opinion on the dreaded piggy flu.
Its a bit of a joke. It's been blown out of proportion horribly! Bird-flu? What happened to that? It dissappeared from the public eye around about the time the first Black president was elected, or when Cheryl Cole and her footy hubby had a little row.
The point i'm trying to make out is that these diseases only worry people when the media focus on them because there's not much else going on. They love a good outbreak of a virus so they've got something to fill their otherwise boring papers with, but the second Britney Spears has a haircut the world is once again (albeit briefly) healthy! It's a bit silly.
So was the bird flu though. They burnt all those poor chickens because they had the sniffles. Are they going to burn all of the pigs? Is this the end of bacon? Why don't we burn Lady GaGa next time she has a cold...
Joking aside - scientists have already nearly finshed a vaccination so we honestly have nothing to worry about ANYWAY. But whilst we wait for the cure there is already a soothing drink available to help with the effects of this scary disease.
What a wonderful Oinkment (I apologise for the poor pun)
Some people in mexico however are getting understandably worried and have been advised to wearing masks out to prevent the bacon bugs getting in. The japanese as always, in perfect character, are at the front of this new-wave fashion;
If people freeze and panic like a dear in headlights everytime a bug is going around what is the world going to be like when (God-forbid) an ACTUAL fatal virus breaks out. That thought is genuinely terrifying.
If only there were some sort of realistic virtual environmentin which we could prepare ourselves for such a deadly virus. I for one would be much happier.
I hope that doesn't happen, but if it does, shotgun the grenades.
Anyway - lets get down the pub I could murder some pork scratchings and a pint.
(A joke I couldn't seem to "flawlessly edit" into this "masterpiece" of a blog)
I rung up the swine emergency helpline the other day... All i got was crackling.
And poor old Burger King are going to have to give the new burger range a re-think. The Texican whopper. Mexico and Texas. To major outbreak hotspots haha.
Smell ya later x
Thursday, 30 April 2009
The Current Economic Crisis...
Ok so we all know that Britain has entered the greatest recession in bare years, but I never really understood how a country can go into debt. How comes all of a sudden lots of jobs dissappear, everyone looses money, and everything gets more expensive?
Everyones a bit miserable really... where does all the money just vanish too?
My mum - bless her, tried to explain the credit crunch. Understandably... I didn't understand it. She then (a little off topic) tried to get me making "credit crunch munch" for uni. Lamb casserole. Im a student mum - not Gordon fucking Ramsay.
Anyway, after this very educational economic (and frankly depressing) chat about the economy, I was content in the knowledge we were DEFINATELY all going to be broke in the future...
Living in mud houses, fighting for the remaining petrol in the world, under cover of night, in a "Mad Max-esque" scenario.
Admittdedly petrol is still a joke but im in favour of a new gameshow.
The economic problem "apparently" is due to banks lending out money they dont have. And then people can't pay it back. But then if the money never really exsisted in the first place whats the problem?
To be fair the whole idea of banking is a little strange. Anyone can walk into a bank and borrow money.
If a tramp came up to you and said
"Hi id like to borrow a hundred pounds... but ill give you Hundred and ten back I promise"
Would you believe them? I fucking wouldn't! But all the banks seem to. Of course their not getting the loans paid back they're lending money to the fools of society!
But in hindsight... who has actually felt any impact of this "crisis" at all?
I was shopping yesterday in Tesco's and I was thinking... hey for an economic crisis this bacon is pretty cheap - and it looks in good nick too.
Then I strolled passed a sign "now recruiting". Tesco's already have alot of staff, they wanted more, and sold cheap products!
They were metaphoricaly sticking the v-shaped fingers up the arse of the credit crunch, and I found this very amusing.
The only thing that ticks me off a little about this whole credit crunch is that we are going to inherit the debt.
We inherit all the bad things in life which I find a little unfair. We inherit debt, early grey hair, dimensia, even unwanted pets.
So gran and gramps up and down the country, before you go and spend the last of your retirement on a sodding parrot that we are going to have to look after for ninety five of it's hundred years - just don't.
Pay of that nice debt you owe so we don't have to you dopey bitch!
Problem solved.
Till next time!
Everyones a bit miserable really... where does all the money just vanish too?
My mum - bless her, tried to explain the credit crunch. Understandably... I didn't understand it. She then (a little off topic) tried to get me making "credit crunch munch" for uni. Lamb casserole. Im a student mum - not Gordon fucking Ramsay.
Anyway, after this very educational economic (and frankly depressing) chat about the economy, I was content in the knowledge we were DEFINATELY all going to be broke in the future...
Living in mud houses, fighting for the remaining petrol in the world, under cover of night, in a "Mad Max-esque" scenario.
Admittdedly petrol is still a joke but im in favour of a new gameshow.
The economic problem "apparently" is due to banks lending out money they dont have. And then people can't pay it back. But then if the money never really exsisted in the first place whats the problem?
To be fair the whole idea of banking is a little strange. Anyone can walk into a bank and borrow money.
If a tramp came up to you and said
"Hi id like to borrow a hundred pounds... but ill give you Hundred and ten back I promise"
Would you believe them? I fucking wouldn't! But all the banks seem to. Of course their not getting the loans paid back they're lending money to the fools of society!
But in hindsight... who has actually felt any impact of this "crisis" at all?
I was shopping yesterday in Tesco's and I was thinking... hey for an economic crisis this bacon is pretty cheap - and it looks in good nick too.
Then I strolled passed a sign "now recruiting". Tesco's already have alot of staff, they wanted more, and sold cheap products!
They were metaphoricaly sticking the v-shaped fingers up the arse of the credit crunch, and I found this very amusing.
The only thing that ticks me off a little about this whole credit crunch is that we are going to inherit the debt.
We inherit all the bad things in life which I find a little unfair. We inherit debt, early grey hair, dimensia, even unwanted pets.
So gran and gramps up and down the country, before you go and spend the last of your retirement on a sodding parrot that we are going to have to look after for ninety five of it's hundred years - just don't.
Pay of that nice debt you owe so we don't have to you dopey bitch!
Problem solved.
Till next time!
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Fat Fighters
So topic of the day;
International eating habits. Not exactly fat people, say, for example Gordon Brown or Jade Goody (Although my sources tell me she is currently on a fantastic weight loss regime) but morbidly obese people and very hungry people. The sort of people that complain they are suffering of being a fatty mid-mars bar, and the type who are forced to eat each other (I assume).
This child for example, tucking into a McDonalds meal, clearly is obese. I blame the parents.
As opposed to this man who is so hungry he is eating cow shit.
Now, I don't want to fall through the already thin comic ice on which I am currently standing, but there are a few things about obesity/starvation that I would like to get off my chest.
I was watching a programme on T.V earlier and the surgeon claimed there are now "more obese people in the world than starving" Which - of course, is bollox. But still, you can't help but think "Why dont, instead of sending rice over to the poor little buggers, cut up these fatty's after theyve died of being tubby, and package them in authentic Bernard Matthews packages labled "basics saussages" or something.
The fat people's lives are not entirely wasted, and the hungry little buggers get a nice saussage sarnie. And because we will have saved money by sending out this food instead of rice, we can even donate a bit of ketchup to add oral excitement to an otherwise bland "saussage" sandwhich.
Another thing I noticed on the television (I do watch alot of it) that some of these "starving children," are in fact... quite... well... fat. My housemate informed me this was actually a fatal disease, and as a result of this, it is going to be dangerous to poke fun at.
However, I aim to tip toe around this taboo and face the facts. I don't understand how if your starving you can end up so bloody bloated. And this isn't in bad taste it just genuinely fascinates me. I dug up a picture on the internet of this disease... see if your as bemused as I am!
Looks well fed to me in all honesty.
One final thing before I go, you hear these stories about how young children travel miles every day to get fresh drinking water. You cant help but think... well, why don't you move next to it.
Then you can actually grow something with all those seeds we keep sending you. Instead of flying over rice and bread, we should send over some common sense.
That's me done for the day.
Love x
International eating habits. Not exactly fat people, say, for example Gordon Brown or Jade Goody (Although my sources tell me she is currently on a fantastic weight loss regime) but morbidly obese people and very hungry people. The sort of people that complain they are suffering of being a fatty mid-mars bar, and the type who are forced to eat each other (I assume).
This child for example, tucking into a McDonalds meal, clearly is obese. I blame the parents.
As opposed to this man who is so hungry he is eating cow shit.
Now, I don't want to fall through the already thin comic ice on which I am currently standing, but there are a few things about obesity/starvation that I would like to get off my chest.
I was watching a programme on T.V earlier and the surgeon claimed there are now "more obese people in the world than starving" Which - of course, is bollox. But still, you can't help but think "Why dont, instead of sending rice over to the poor little buggers, cut up these fatty's after theyve died of being tubby, and package them in authentic Bernard Matthews packages labled "basics saussages" or something.
The fat people's lives are not entirely wasted, and the hungry little buggers get a nice saussage sarnie. And because we will have saved money by sending out this food instead of rice, we can even donate a bit of ketchup to add oral excitement to an otherwise bland "saussage" sandwhich.
Another thing I noticed on the television (I do watch alot of it) that some of these "starving children," are in fact... quite... well... fat. My housemate informed me this was actually a fatal disease, and as a result of this, it is going to be dangerous to poke fun at.
However, I aim to tip toe around this taboo and face the facts. I don't understand how if your starving you can end up so bloody bloated. And this isn't in bad taste it just genuinely fascinates me. I dug up a picture on the internet of this disease... see if your as bemused as I am!
Looks well fed to me in all honesty.
One final thing before I go, you hear these stories about how young children travel miles every day to get fresh drinking water. You cant help but think... well, why don't you move next to it.
Then you can actually grow something with all those seeds we keep sending you. Instead of flying over rice and bread, we should send over some common sense.
That's me done for the day.
Love x
Saturday, 18 April 2009
First ever blog then...
I am new to all this blogging business. Hell, I don't even know what blogging really means, but as far as I'm concerned this is the place where I'm going to share my (usually drunken) thoughts, rants, ideas, whatever may be on my mind...
So, first of all, I will introduce myself.
I am Danny Russell, I'm 18, and studying Business at university. Thats pretty much about it really.
I liked the idea of Portsmouth University because my understanding of it was a place where people who arn't hugely intelligent, or hugely spastic (sorry if thats not P.C for all your predantic fools) could go and learn a thing or two.
And learn a thing or two I most certainly did.
1. University girls are not the drunken, cock-gobbling, shot downing, pussy-strumming sluts I expected them to be. Picture Marge Simpson but 18. That is what the majority of girls are like at Uni.
However - I came up with a thesis for this.
I very cleverly worked out that the reason most of the girls at uni are NOT coke-snorting cock-a-holics is because... the coke-snorting cock-a-holics are in fact... well coke-snorting cock-a-holics. As a result of this (and these figures are my guesstimation) 30% of these girls dropped out around GCSE. A further 60% of these dropped out at college (most likely due to an OD of some kind)
The other... however many percent is left, drunk their equivilent weight in vodka and probably fell asleep in a ditch or something. So I've solved the fun girls at uni problem.
Now, the second thing I learnt about is cooking.
Cooking food that will not make you ill is actually quite easy.
Salmonella is over-rated basicaly.
It was but the other day I was half way through eating a chicken breast I cooked for the time specified on the pack, before looking down at the red blood dripping out of the breast, generously onto my now dis-coloured mashed potatoes and peas.
"Oh right so thats it ive killed myself then" I uttered to myself before trying to work out the best way to resolve the problem. Which in fact was also rather amusing. My antidote to the poison I had consumed was a slice of toast with jam on. Which is what my poor little university educated mind supposed was the best thing to do.
Amazingly - it worked. Which got me thinking, If i could eat a half a breast of literally red raw chicken and be ok. Then this salmonella malarky must be hugely over-rated. Either that or I'm invincible.
And if animals eat raw meat in the wilderness all the time... how comes we can't?
Anyway, thats my first blog. I doubt anyone will read it. If someone has then excellent, I look forward to adding more in the future.
Ta-ra for now x
Danny
So, first of all, I will introduce myself.
I am Danny Russell, I'm 18, and studying Business at university. Thats pretty much about it really.
I liked the idea of Portsmouth University because my understanding of it was a place where people who arn't hugely intelligent, or hugely spastic (sorry if thats not P.C for all your predantic fools) could go and learn a thing or two.
And learn a thing or two I most certainly did.
1. University girls are not the drunken, cock-gobbling, shot downing, pussy-strumming sluts I expected them to be. Picture Marge Simpson but 18. That is what the majority of girls are like at Uni.
However - I came up with a thesis for this.
I very cleverly worked out that the reason most of the girls at uni are NOT coke-snorting cock-a-holics is because... the coke-snorting cock-a-holics are in fact... well coke-snorting cock-a-holics. As a result of this (and these figures are my guesstimation) 30% of these girls dropped out around GCSE. A further 60% of these dropped out at college (most likely due to an OD of some kind)
The other... however many percent is left, drunk their equivilent weight in vodka and probably fell asleep in a ditch or something. So I've solved the fun girls at uni problem.
Now, the second thing I learnt about is cooking.
Cooking food that will not make you ill is actually quite easy.
Salmonella is over-rated basicaly.
It was but the other day I was half way through eating a chicken breast I cooked for the time specified on the pack, before looking down at the red blood dripping out of the breast, generously onto my now dis-coloured mashed potatoes and peas.
"Oh right so thats it ive killed myself then" I uttered to myself before trying to work out the best way to resolve the problem. Which in fact was also rather amusing. My antidote to the poison I had consumed was a slice of toast with jam on. Which is what my poor little university educated mind supposed was the best thing to do.
Amazingly - it worked. Which got me thinking, If i could eat a half a breast of literally red raw chicken and be ok. Then this salmonella malarky must be hugely over-rated. Either that or I'm invincible.
And if animals eat raw meat in the wilderness all the time... how comes we can't?
Anyway, thats my first blog. I doubt anyone will read it. If someone has then excellent, I look forward to adding more in the future.
Ta-ra for now x
Danny
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